I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
