You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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