So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
