Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize