Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
