I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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