I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
