He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
