yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
