FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
