took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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