Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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