It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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