I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
