got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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