It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
