I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
