An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
