when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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