You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
