She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
