Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
