hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
