Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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