alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
