that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
