New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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