That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
