u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
