Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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