John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
