I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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