We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
