hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
