She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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