Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
