i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
