every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
