She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize