I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
