Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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