she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
