no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Vodka?
Forever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
