I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
