No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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