Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
