guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
