Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
