if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
