You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
