tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
