Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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