I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
