Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
