Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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