I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
