it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
