I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
