this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
