we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
