remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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