a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
