Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
