So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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