I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
