I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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