I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
