I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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