it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
