so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
