She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
