Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drunk is a universal language darling
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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