the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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