3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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