i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
