**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
