I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
