did you get engaged???
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize